In the 9th or 10th mile of my first half-marathon my hips fell apart, but I kept hearing my girlfriend’s voice in my head..just run the mile you’re in. As I sprayed copious amounts of BioFreeze on my failing joints at the rest station, not resting but praying, I thought of the huge resentment that brought me here. But I was pot committed and desperate to finish.
I ran my first and only (so far) half marathon in my 3rd year of sobriety mainly as a way to get over a resentment I had for marathoners everywhere. They say some people are sicker than others and this resentment proved I was pretty sick. As I type here and try to explain myself, it reinforces my insanity and I can’t help but laugh. Not in a crazy madman way…in a self-deprecating way. I won’t get into the resentment, but it was rooted in jealousy, fear, anger…as all of my resentments were and are.
So here I am dying in the home stretch and thinking about running the mile I’m in, one step at a time, and loving the whole sick experience. I did finish, but missed my goal by a few minutes. However, it kept me coming back…I signed up for more halfs and even a full marathon.
Training on a regular basis brought on 6 months of hip issues, but I worked through the pain, discovering the benefits of yoga along the way. As the miles progressed, so did COVID. The marathon I was preparing for was canceled as everything in the world slowed down.
Continuing with my commitment to daily exercise led me to find an appreciation for swimming and biking and by the middle of the summer of 2020 I was in pretty good shape. Late one night I searched, “How long is a sprint triathlon?” and when the numbers came back I realized I had a new goal. A few weeks later, my girlfriend and I completed our quarantine triathlon. We really didn’t keep a running clock, but we had a great time.
Not being attached to results or outcomes, but learning to commit to the process and embrace the grind has been a gift of my sober lifestyle.
