Attending any party in early sobriety was tough for me, but parties around the holidays seemed more difficult. It felt like I was going into battle and had to manage these difficult situations that civilians just handle with ease. For instance, what should I do with my hands if I’m not drinking? I mean, I used to always have a drink with me, so now what?
In early sobriety, I pivoted to drinking seltzer and lime. If I’m holding a glass of seltzer, I feel comfortable and don’t look completely out of place. If I’m cracking open a can of seltzer, I get to hear the satisfying CRSH when I pull the pop-top. And I can drink a lot of it (I drink a ton of seltzer…I’m so unique, right?) without the sugar rush and crash of a mocktails.
I used to walk around parties sipping mocktails. There’s nothing worse than answering the, Why aren’t you drinking? question, so having a mocktail helped immensely. But I found that I drank so much sugary juice in the virgin drinks that I’d get a rush, and then crash. So seltzer works perfect for me!
Conversely, mocktails and seltzer didn’t really give me that edgy, reckless feeling I was holding onto in early sobriety. So, I started smoking cigars, the little cigarillos that come in a twenty pack like cigarettes. I carried them everywhere and when I felt uncomfortable socially I would walk outside, away from others, and puff a cigar. If someone came with me, that was fine. Small groups were less stressful. The cigars really alleviated the social anxiety I was feeling, but ended up being just a short term solution…something to do with my hands and get me away from the masses.
Seltzer and cigars may not work for everyone. There are risk factors involved, obviously (so consult your physician). But what was helpful for me was trying something different and not looking towards old answers to new questions.
For me, the gift of desperation allowed me to try anything to stop drinking. Alcohol was once the answer, until it stopped working. I’m grateful that I was willing and open to experience sobriety, to go through growing pains, and learn from them. Luckily, I finally figured out what to do with my hands…use them to help others.
